Taming The Monkey Mind

Spiritual Insight From Loosing 80 Pounds

2009-06-10T15:49:00.003-06:00

I have not written for this blog in some time. I stopped when I began a diet program that involved - well extreme caloric reductions to be honest – and it took every ounce of focus I had to maintain the diet. Since the end of October I have lost 81 pounds.

Let me first say that cutting back calories at 1200 per day was done through the Center For Medical Weight Loss in Lakewood, Colorado. That sort of restriction should only be done under medical supervision. Do not try it unaided at home. They are a huge help and very supportive, should you try it. As you roll off this diet a great source of motivation and very solid information is the Fat2Fit podcast (www.fat2fit.com) . It is a good source for ongoing information.
I wanted to write about a few lessons I learned as part of this process, some of which concern spirituality and some of which are interesting lessons or discussion points.

Delusion

Buddhist teachers talk of delusions and delusional thinking routinely. I had lessons in my own ability to self-delude during this diet process.

Before starting this journey I did not think of myself as obese, though by every objective measure I was obese. I was 306 pounds, making me a candidate for gastric bypass surgery. I was 40% body fat. Still, I was hitting the gym and lifting weights. I knew I was pretty strong for my age, measured against the other men I saw lifting while I was in the gym. I was deluding myself, however, about my overall shape and condition. I was eating a good deal of junk. I had lost all sense of portion size and proportion. Nevertheless I told myself that I was in shape. I was active; I could take long hikes or bike rides. I could lift heavy things. I deluded myself into thinking I was just beefy.

It was a long slow journey to realize the extent of my delusions, and I am still working on it. As the diet eases I hope to get back to practicing and writing, so I do not need to focus so much of my attention on breaking the cycle that put me in such an unhealthy place.

It is also worth noting how delusions feed dukkha. I got some very short term pleasure out of eating all that junk, however, over the long term, it led to suffering. My knees hurt all the time.
I had sleep disorders, and I missed out on many activities that I can now do so much better – like skiing bumps.

The Importance of Sangha

If we consider Sangha a support group, then my family and my colleagues in Houston are that Sangha during this journey. They were extremely supportive of my efforts in losing weight.

Breaking the Cycle

There are two approaches to dieting that I have read or discussed with others. The first is advocated by Fat2Fit radio and makes a good deal of sense. To risk oversimplification, one determines a goal weight, then starts to live the life of the person at that goal weight with the amount of exercise and caloric intake a person already at that goal weight would consume. This is a very sensible, conservative and healthful approach.

The second method is the one used by many diets. There you start with some form of extreme food restrictions. You will lose lots of pounds in the first few weeks, then the loss will taper off as you start to use “real food.” This is the approach that often leads to unhealthy yo-yo dieting. There are two reasons for this. First, most of these diets do not push dieters to exercise or partake of a more active lifestyle. Second, the transition off the diet and back to real food has minimal support or education associated with it. So many folks lose some weight, go off their diet and go back to a sedentary life and eating fast food.

I am finding a mixed approach is working for me. First, as I noted I was obese, and I needed some rapid and big success to keep me motivated. Second, I began to look at my diet as food boot camp. In the same way the military breaks a recruit down and builds them back up again, I was breaking myself down and building a new, thinner healthier person. While I was not conscious of this when I started, I used the initial 1200 calorie/day diet to break my very unhealthy response to food.

What is missing from the crash and fad diets is the training a recruit gets in boot camp. I got some from the Center For Medical Weight Loss, but 15 minutes of counseling once per week is, I think, insufficient to combat the barrage of media messages we get every day from the food industry telling us that it is acceptable to eat junk every day. I took it upon myself to provide the training I would need to face those sales pitches and resist them. I strongly recommend the film Supersize Me and the books Fast Food Nation, In Defense of Food and The Omnivore’s Dilemma. Listen to podcasts like Fat2Fit, and get a buddy group or family support group to help you and keep you honest.

I also found that measuring and recording everything helps but that may be because I am a geek, therefore very data driven and into gadgets. Nevertheless, the BodyBugg is very useful for measuring calories burned. Write down everything you put in your mouth. You will be surprised how much this helps avoid temptations.

I am now in the process of graduating from diet boot camp and moving on. I have, hopefully, broken the cycle of lose some weight, gain it back from diet boot camp.

The Inherent Injust of Laws Preventing "Equal Marriage"

2008-11-15T13:29:00.004-07:00

Recently there was a protest in Denver over California’s recently enacted Proposition 8, which banned marriage between same sex couples. In response to the coverage of the protest in The Denver Post there was, as one might expect, the typical hateful and homophobic rants and name calling. The words used do not bear repeating, and are the equivalent of the use of the “N- word” applied to African Americans.

There was, however, one comment that requires a more considered response.

“Protest all you want, but in this society sometimes you are not going to always have your way, the majority of the people in california [sic] spoke they said no, so why does the minority in that state insiste [sic] on pushing there [sic] beliefs down the throats of the majority.”

Even as a strait person, I can understand how my gay brothers and sisters would reflect the same feelings of Martin Luther King in his Letter From a Birmingham Jail:

“Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection….

Things are different now. So often the contemporary church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. So often it is an archdefender of the status quo. Far from being disturbed by the presence of the church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the church's silent and often even vocal sanction of things as they are.”

There are, of course, both just and unjust laws. Again to quote Dr. King’s letter

“To put it in the terms of St. Thomas Aquinas: An unjust law is a human law that is not rooted in eternal law and natural law. Any law that uplifts human personality is just. Any law that degrades human personality is unjust….[Laws] are unjust because segregation distort the soul and damages the personality. It gives the segregator a false sense of superiority and the segregated a false sense of inferiority. Segregation, to use the terminology of the Jewish philosopher Martin Buber, substitutes an "I-it" relationship for an "I-thou" relationship and ends up relegating persons to the status of things….

An unjust law is a code that a numerical or power majority group compels a minority group to obey but does not make binding on itself. This is difference made legal. By the same token, a just law is a code that a majority compels a minority to follow and that it is willing to follow itself. This is sameness made legal.”

Once can and should use the same logic with respect to our gay brothers and sisters. Laws that prevent them from marrying because it degrades the human spirit which is uplifted by marriage. These laws give heterosexuals a false sense of superiority, as witnessed by the hateful responses to the article on the Denver Post’s on line edition. These laws inflict on my gay friends conditions that are not binding on me as a strait man, and are thus differences made legal.

When I was practicing Christianity I firmly held that we are all children of God, no matter what our status in life. In my evolving Buddhism, I hold that all sentient beings have Buddha nature, the inherent ability to become enlightened. These are different ways of expressing the same truth. We all have some divine spark. Any law that says, in essence, I have a divine spark but you do not is unjust on its face. Proposition 8, and any other law that prohibits the divine expression of love between two people in marriage is, therefore, an unjust law.

This is not a question of a minority seeking to impose its views on a majority. It is, instead, a minority rebelling against unjust laws imposed upon them by the majority. These laws must be opposed for the same reason African Americans fought to ride in the front of the bus and eat at the same lunch counter and vote when the "majority" spoke and said no. Because those laws were unjust. Because justice delayed is justice denied. Because when someone can deny the unalienable right to the pursuit of happiness to any one person, they can deny it to everyone. Because we all have a divine nature, and any law that seeks to suppress the expression of the divine is an injustice that must be remedied by people of conscious, no matter their sexual preference.

O! What a morning!

2008-11-05T12:11:00.000-07:00

I was not going to join the chorus of folks writing about the election until I read this post in reaction to the election of Barack Obama on the Denver Post web site, “this is a very sad day in the history of America[.]”

Let’s really consider this.

The year my wife was born, Brown v. Board of Education was decided.

The year before I was born, President Eisenhower ordered the 101st Airborne into Little Rock so that African American children could safely go to desegregated schools.

When I was three, buses carrying freedom riders were firebombed in Alabama.

When I was 5, Martin Luther King gave his "I have a dream" speech.

It was not until I was 7 that the University of Mississippi admitted its first African American students.

When I was 8 the authorities in Birmingham were turning fire hoses on peaceful marchers. The KKK murdered 3 young men during the Freedom Summer in Mississippi.

When I was 10, Dr. King was murdered.

Some of my earliest memories are of watching National Guard troops prepare for going to Newark, NJ to deal with race riots.

When I was a sophomore in High School, a white man was photographed using an American flag as a spear on a black man in the violence associated with bussing in Boston. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Soiling_of_Old_Glory

I did not have any black friends until I was in college.

Just 10 years ago, black friends attempting to visit me at my home were harassed by the Delmar NY police department. These friends happened to be NY state troopers and a NY corrections officer.

Now a man who happens to be black has been elected President of the United States based on the quality of his character.

And yet, this poster said "this is a very sad day in the history of America"?

This is indeed a great day for America. This is the day when we finally fulfilled our promise. "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights..."

Us vs. Them, II

2008-10-31T09:48:00.002-06:00

Said from a Christian perspective, but in a far more articulate manner...

http://www.sojo.net/blog/godspolitics/?p=3287

Us vs. Them

2008-10-30T16:11:00.001-06:00

I have been finding it difficult to respond in a skillful and compassionate way to many of the recent attacks, mostly coming from the right wing of American politics, both in public and made against me personally in response to some of my posts.

As examples:

• Elizabeth Dole runs an ad in her senate campaign accusing her opponent of being in league with “godless Americans.”
• Senator Kit Bond critiqued Barack Obama because Senator Obama wants to appoint judges who “have a heart, have an empathy [sic] for the teenage mom, the minority, the gay, the disabled. We want them to show empathy. We want them to show compassion.” http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2008/10/30/politics/fromtheroad/entry4558204.shtml?tag=rightRail;rightRailInner
• Sarah Palin has begun to attack Barack Obama because he attended a party for a fellow faculty member at the University of Chicago who happened to be Palestinian and disagrees with the unconditional support offered to Israel by the United States.
• “Joe the Plumber” claims, effectively, that Barack Obama has more volunteers because liberals do not work as hard as conservatives and therefore have more time on their hands.
• Keith Olberman nominates a “Worst Person in the World” prize every night on his news show.

My reaction to all of the above, as well as numerous other examples of the “us vs. them” line of attack is disgust. Indeed, I have such a strong reaction that I must limit my intake of the news lest my anger boil over and I say things I will later regret.

Of course, I think my reaction is natural, because all of these statements define me as one of “them” – the other to be feared. As a Buddhist who does not accept the idea of a God, I am certainly “godless.”

As a person who worked for years in the criminal justice system, I certainly think judges should be compassionate within the bounds of the law. After all, if the law were mechanical we would put automatons on the bench rather then attempt to put our best legal minds there.

I certainly disagree with unconditional support of Israel and think that we should be doing far more to help Palestinian moderates. In point of fact, I find the McCain’s campaign of disparagement of anyone who happens to be an Arab American and associated with Barack Obama to be racist.

Finally, the only reason I have not done more to work for Senator Obama and Mark Udall (running for senate in my home state of Colorado) is the amount of time I must devote to my job.

I pay my taxes, keep my front lawn in reasonable shape, and do my best to raise my son to be the best person he can be. So what makes me scary?

On the other side of the political spectrum, I am sure Mr. Olberman alienates anyone who happens to agree with that evenings “worst person” nominee.

We can see the spiral of fear to anger to hate escalating here. The saying of the Buddha, “hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law.” Has many counterparts in the Abrahamic faiths, yet we never seem to learn this lesson.

Our greatest leaders have never appealed to our fear and hate; they have appealed to our better natures.

FDR’s stirring “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”

Abraham Lincoln said “I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.” and at the close of the long bitter Civil War,

“With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.”

I truly despair for my country when we do not seem to hold charity to be a civic and social virtue, not just an individual virtue; when we engage in fear mongering solely to gain power. We must see that we are all interconnected and that the suffering of any one person leads to the suffering of us all. A foreclosure on someone else’s home drives down the value of mine; the failure to provide universal health insurance drives up my costs; the failure to provide decent food housing, education and jobs with a living wage drives up crime. Yet, our political leaders, when given a choice between stepping out into a new day, or withdrawing into a locked and dark room, huddling in fear, they choose the later.

We need to show the courage and hope that we will step out into the sunshine of a new day. Sure there may be rain or snow, but to stay huddled in the darkness is the path of misery and suffering screaming at each other because not stepping out is obviously the fault of “them.”

If we reject our fear we can move forward and move on beyond fear, to a bigger, greater compassionate nation.

An approach to the election

2008-10-28T09:50:00.003-06:00

“When a society comes together and makes decisions in harmony, when it respects its most noble traditions, cares for its most vulnerable members, treats its forests and lands with respect, then it will prosper and not decline”

--Buddha, Mahaparinirvana Sutra

It is good to contemplate this as we approach the election. The level of discussion has become so shrill and hateful that, should we continue down this path, we will surely decline.

Christian Voting

2008-10-24T09:26:00.001-06:00

I encourage any Christians who happen to come across this to read the recent post on Sojourners

Bodhisattva Voting

2008-10-22T16:40:00.000-06:00

I have been watching the anger that emanates from the McCain campaign and some conservatives. In turn, I am feeling angry, myself, over the turn the election has taken. The epitaphs that have issued from Palin and McCain supporters are very disturbing. There have been ugly racial words used. Someone shouted “Kill Him!” at a Palin rally while Senator Obama – a sitting United States Senator – has been labeled a “terrorist” and a “traitor” at these rallies.

In an online discussion of the escalating poverty in Douglas County, Colorado, where I live, there were some posts that both blamed the victims of the economy, and advocated that we simply not help them. As a society, these folks argued, we should simply allow these people to become homeless and starve.

In the meantime, the global financial system continues to spin out of control and the United States is ensnared in two wars. The killing will continue, though I expect one candidate will bring it to a close faster then the other. The economic pain will continue, and the resulting layoffs and unemployment will be with us well into the next administration.

This is a spiritual blog, so I want to approach the election from just that perspective. Every religion has a core value of compassion. In Christianity it is the value of caritas that is one of the three great theological virtues. In Islam, Zakat is obligatory for all believers. The Talmud commands that all Jews are to be “rachmanim b’nei rachmanim” (compassionate children of compassionate ancestors). In Buddhism, the ideal of generosity or of loving kindness is one of the virtues practiced by any aspiring bodhisattva. So, if we are to be true to our faith, we must approach our votes with the universal values of compassion, wisdom and equanimity; values shared by all faiths.

Our votes, therefore, should be an exercise in compassion and generosity, not exercises in fear, pettiness or covetousness. We should not be voting based on “everyone’s favorite radio station WII FM” or “What’s In It For Me” as a salesperson I once knew would say. I may get a slightly lower tax bill under one candidate or another, but that should not be my primary consideration.

For my vote, I consider first how my vote will exercise compassion and ease suffering in the world. Which candidate do I expect to end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan faster? Which candidate espouses policies that will reduce the suffering of the poor and the sick? Which candidate, in short, will lead us to a more compassionate society?

By that standard, beyond question, the candidates who will get my votes are Barack Obama for president and Mark Udall for United States Senate. While space here is too short for a complete analysis, some points do stand out.

First, the health care proposals of Mr. Obama will certainly provide for superior coverage for the poor and the sick. This will allow people to seek care before they are seriously ill or forced to go to an emergency room, easing their pain. Care will be less expensive for us all, easing some of our economic anxiety, another form of suffering.
The proposals for care for the environment from both Mr. Udall and Mr. Obama will ease pollution and global warming, while opening new, ecologically friendly industries such as solar and wind power and the manufacturing plants needed to support that infrastructure. This will ease global warming as well as preserve space we need to ease our minds and be a peace – places like the Rockies and the seashore.

Most important, the plans proposed by Mr. Obama for ending the Iraq war have already been received favorably. We must end that suffering.

I encourage you all to contemplate carefully your vote and use it as a way to help all beings find peace.

A Letter to Senators Allard and Salazar and Congresssman Tancredo on the financial crisis

2008-09-22T16:58:00.002-06:00

I am writing to express my concerns about Secretary Paulson’s proposed bailout of financial institutions While we clearly need to lower the levels of volatility and stabilize the credit markets, the bill fails certain common sense tests in current form.

1. The bill provides a blank check with a floor of Government investment of $750 Billion. There are no limitations on the risk the Treasury Department will take on for the nation. There are no consequences for those who took on such risk and, effectively, ran our financial system into the ground. While I recognize they can not be punished ex post facto, we can limit the rewards they make. In short, we need to make sure the so called “moral hazard” is enforced. In short, the bill should impose reasonable restrictions on the amount of risk shouldered by taxpayers and prevent executives from reaping unreasonable profits (e.g. from severance packages) should they accept a taxpayer bailout.
2. The bill gives unfettered power to the Treasury Department. Section 8 states “Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.” I consider Secretary Paulson a good and honorable man, but we all make mistakes and abuse our discretion. The reasonable restrictions mentioned here should be reviewable by Congress under its Constitutional Spending powers.
3. The bill does not get to the root cause of the problem. This, by itself, is not a reason to vote against the bill, however, I would be remiss in not insisting for a separate measure to assist homeowners in danger of loosing their homes. The root cause of this problem is the current credit crisis in housing. By stabilizing the housing market and the ability of homeowners to afford their homes, we would stabilize financial instruments that rely on those mortgages for their value (e.g. Credit Default Swaps and Collateralized Debt Obligations)
4. A separate root cause of this problem was the inability of any regulatory agency to enforce rules concerning the risks taken on by these companies or the rating systems those companies relied upon for taking on that risk. Often Collateralized Debt Obligations were rated as investment grade securities by ratings services with severe conflicts of interest. There was no ability for the Federal Reserve, the Treasury Department or the Securities and Exchange Commission to limit the risk these companies took on, even though these risks ultimately fell on we, the taxpayers. These regulatory loop holes must be closed.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Save A Life

2008-09-10T08:39:00.001-06:00

This is borrowed from the ACLU web site, though I agree with this completly.

Subject: Subject: Help save a life!

A man who is almost certainly innocent needs your help, and fast.
On Friday, the Georgia Department of Pardons and Paroles is going to meet and decide if he should be executed.

They will either take into account compelling evidence challenging his guilt, or they will choose to ignore that evidence and allow his sentence to stand. They have to power to stop this indefensible execution and we must implore them to make the right decision.

Troy Anthony Davis was convicted of the murder of off-duty Savannah Police Officer Mark MacPhail in 1991. No physical evidence links him to the crime, and he has steadfastly maintained his innocence. His conviction was based solely on the testimony of witnesses. There was no other evidence against him. Since his trial, seven people who had previously testified against Troy changed the story they had told in court.

Some witnesses say they were coerced by police. Others have even signed affidavits implicating one of the remaining two witnesses as the actual killer. But due to an increasingly restrictive appeals process, none of this new evidence has ever been heard in court.

Can you take 30 seconds and help save the life of a man who is almost certainly innocent? You can learn more and take action here:

http://action.aclu.org/savetroy

Judgments, Wisdom and Voting

2008-09-09T15:18:00.000-06:00

I was in a store in Leadville, CO a few weeks ago. Ahead of me in the checkout line was what appeared to be a family – a very cute little boy about 18 months old and his parents.

The parents were not the picture of middle American values. Both were what could charitable called hippies, or their close Colorado cousins, Rainbow People. They wore their hair in long, dirty dreadlocks. Their clothes were patchwork and tattered. They did not appear to be on a fast track to corporate success, in other words. Just as clearly, they were intelligent, kind and gentle. They appeared to be well educated. They appeared to be both mentally and physically healthy. Generally this lifestyle would not bother me. If they want to live on the margins and get off the hamster wheel that so many folks are on, then more power to them. This would be fine by me, except that they were paying for their food with food stamps.

I immediately snapped into judgment mode. Here I am breaking my butt to make a living and pay taxes so that they can avoid work. They looked way too unconventional to be successful in a job interview. They clearly would not be allowed to work at any job that required customer interaction. In other words, I was subsidizing their lifestyle choice while they deliberately avoided work.

I have meditated a bit on this since I saw these folks. First, it was the encounters I have had with the judgmental mind set of so many so-called Christians that was one of the precipitating events for my journey to Buddhism. It is so easy to simply look at someone and feed the beasts of stereotypes and prejudices. Second, I know from my prior work with the poor that all is not as it seems on the surface. So often people who appear to be healthy are not. Third, I forgot where I was. Fairplay Colorado is not a place with a booming economy. It has been stripped of resources and left for naught by the economic powers that rule the United States.

The simple fact of the matter is that I took a very brief chance encounter on a weekend, in a town with poor prospects of employment, and spun out a tale of how these people were lazy bums leaching off my hard work based on nothing more then my own stereotypes.

When we use stereotypes like this, in a judgmental way, we think in the most unmindful, unwise and uncompassionate way. Mindfulness, wisdom and compassion require us to know what the actual facts are; what is actually true, not on what we assume to be the case. Perforce, when we think in this unmindful, unwise, uncompassionate way, we then act in unmindful and uncompassionate ways. We ignore those in needs around us. In this election year, we vote for candidates that appeal to the worst in us. These candidates appeal to our greed, our prejudice, our bigotry and stereotypes. Our world thus spirals down, because we do not, as a society, assist the poor, educate the ignorant or practice peace.

In this election year, I beg readers to meditate on this. Does this candidate appeal to the best in me – my compassion and my wisdom? Does this candidate appeal to the worst in me – my bigotry (against gays, Latinos, immigrants, Muslims, or the poor)? Will my vote give rise to a more compassionate society?

When will she talk?

2008-09-09T14:02:00.000-06:00

Eat Your Veggies

2008-06-15T20:10:00.001-06:00

Eat Your Veggies

The Abbot at the Houston Zen Center gave a talk last Wednesday on the importance of vegetarianism. I can not say I buy into all of the arguments in favor of a vegetarian diet. Humans are, after all, omnivores, and evolved eating both meat and plants. I am certainly not convinced on reincarnation. I reject the argument that animals have emotions and should be treated with the same levels of compassion as humans. That is, at best anthropomorphic.

Why then am I planning on changing a significant portion of my daily food intake to a vegetarian diet?

There are two reasons. First, a vegetarian diet is an act of compassion for my fellow humans. Global warming is having a serious impact on people around the world. As sea levels rise, increased numbers of people, particularly the poor, are displaced (e.g. in low lying areas like Bangladesh). In my own state of Colorado, the rise in temperatures has caused an explosion in the population of pine bark beetles, which have, in turn, killed huge swaths of lodgepole pines. In Colorado, we rely on nature’s beauty for a significant number of jobs. Destroying the forest destroys the livelihoods of a large number of people. (see http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2007/09/climate_100.html for a long list of effects).

Food production contributes 17% of fossil fuel usage in the United States. In addition to the fossil fuel usage, animal production releases other green house gases (e.g. methane from animal manure). A rather dense academic discussion from the University of Chicago can be found at http://geosci.uchicago.edu/~gidon/papers/nutri/nutriEI.pdf. I am attempting to be more mindful of everything I do. Moreover, I do not think that it is moral – no matter what the basis is for your morality – to impose such drastic impacts on the planet and its people for the sake of a bad cheeseburger from a fast food place.

Second, during our discussion at the Zen center, one of my fellow students noted that switching to a vegetarian diet led to the loss of ten pounds. Sounds good to me!

Absalom! Absalom!

2008-06-03T11:38:00.001-06:00

Impermanence

One of the causes of suffering, the Buddha taught, is the impermanence of all things. This includes our relationships, as was driven home to me this weekend in a way that has no place on the World Wide Web. This impermanence has caused a great deal of suffering.

While waiting in an airport last night I re-read the mustard seed parable of the Buddha. One translation can be found at http://www.sacred-texts.com/bud/btg/btg85.htm . In the parable, a woman seeks medicine for her child, who has already died. The Buddha tells her to get a single mustard seed from the first home she finds that has not been impacted by death. Of course, she can not find such a home and, in the end, she finds peace in the Dharma by accepting the truth that all things are impermanent. Reading this, while at the same time listening to the Brahms Requiem second movement, was very moving. The words “Denn alles Fleisch ist wie Gras und alle Herrlichkeit des Menschen wie des Grases Blumen. Das Gras ist verdorret und die Blume abgefallen” (“For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away”) with the slow beat of the drums brings that truth home.

I found it very difficult to meditate this week. I could not focus on my breath or maintain breath counts. So I just sat with grief. “This is grief” I thought. I felt the pangs in my heart and stomach at the loss. I was just with the pain, and that seems to help. It does, however, still hurt. I wonder whether the woman who received the mustard seed teaching ever stopped feeling the pain of the loss she suffered. It is one thing to understand impermanence in your head. It is quite another to release the attachment that causes this pain. Indeed, I do not want to do so.

So now, I will do loving kindness meditations for the loss. I will reflect on the verses from 2 Samuel 18, verse 33. “The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: "O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! … O Absalom, my son, my son!"

Viva La France!

2008-05-25T14:48:00.002-06:00

What follows is an explanation and a link so you can see some of what we saw in France this May.

Omaha and Pointe Du Hoc

A visit shows you why this was so bloody. Troops landed at low tide, crossed huge tidal flats under undamaged German gun emplacements and had to climb cliffs up under full combat load.

Pictures are at http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/givemejava/Bloody%20Omaha/

Utah and The American Airborne

The Utah beach and US Airborne museums are some of the best landing specific museums in the area. They are well preserved and well supported. You can also get some sense of what the troops along the Merderet River had to face. In some of the pictures you can see fields that were flooded when Airborne troops landed. Many drowned because they could not get out of their harnesses. Later, the flooding prevented infantry maneuver, leading to the failure to take the bridges on D-Day.

http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/givemejava/Utah%20and%20US%20Airborne/

British and Canadian Beaches

The British have some of the best preserved battle sites in the area. The battery at Merville and the British Mulberry harbor at Armonche are well preserved and easily viewed. At Juno you can get a clear illustration of the power of the tides at the landing beaches. Note in one picture how a fishing boat, moored at high tide, is completely out of the water at low tide.

http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/givemejava/British%20And%20Canadian%20Beaches/

Caen

A lovely city, basically flattened in 1944 and rebuilt. Make sure you see the castle of William the Conqueror and the le Memorial – the memorial to the battle and to peace for a great overview of the history of World War II

http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/givemejava/Caen/

http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/givemejava/William%20The%20Conquerors%20House/

Bayeux

An absolutely charming place. See the tapestry, of course, but wander the streets too. Pictures are here: http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/givemejava/Bayeux/

Norman People and Sites

The Normans are wonderful. We had a great time. In particular, the visit to the farm of Mr. et Mme Lebrec was great. We were driving back from the invasion beaches and saw his sign advertising his home made Calvados and other apple products. We stopped in and had a wonderful chat, met his very cute 2 year old son and discovered he had both a monument to an American unit that landed in 1944 and a tower.

On Sunday, we discovered a farmers market in Caen, so we bought bread, and cheese and picnicked for lunch.

http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/givemejava/Norman%20People%20And%20Sights/

Haras Du Pin

It ain’t a vacation unless Norelee gets a horse fix.

Haras Du Pin was founded by Louis XIV to preserve and breed French Horses. The French Department of Agriculture now uses this and other sites to preserve French Equine bloodlines, such as the huge Norman draft horse, the Perchan.

http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/givemejava/Haras%20Du%20Pin/

Le Mont Sainte Michel

In a word, stunning

http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/givemejava/Le%20Mont-Sainte-Michel/

Ahh Paris

What more to say? http://s4.photobucket.com/albums/y147/givemejava/Paris/

First Lessons

2008-05-13T13:07:00.002-06:00

I have been trying to digest my first experience of Zen – more accurately Chan - meditation. I took my first class last week, though I had been practicing based on my readings and study for a number of weeks.

Every now and then, you get just the faintest glimpse of Satori, as sort of a far off feeling of peace and wholeness. Once glimpsed, it just flits away as my thoughts jump to “I got it!”

Well, I don’t, really.

This will take time. Thomas Merton, a Catholic monastic, was in a monastery for years before he had his Satori experience (on his way to a dentist in Kentucky as I understand the story). Most practitioners never reach this state, so I am not sure why I am pressing myself so hard on this.

In the meantime, I have noted that I am more aware of my actions and far calmer then I have felt in the past. I also find it easier to focus on tasks since I have begum meditation. Perhaps it is like physical therapy for the brain. Just as physical therapy helps heal muscles and bone, this helps heal the psyche.

The seated breath counting meditation helps a great deal. I found that the walking meditation was not as easy, as I was always afraid I would step on the guy in front of me.

I was fascinated by the dharma talk given by Venerable Master Jian Zong at the Houston Chung Tai Zen center. He described an essential element of Buddhism as thinking. That is one of the great attractions for me and I am looking forward to more.

Does science make belief in God obsolete?

2008-05-10T11:49:00.002-06:00

There is a fascinating discussion on http://www.templeton.org/belief/ - Does science make belief in God obsolete?

I found myself most in agreement with the article by Stuart Kaufman, of the University of Calgary. He discussed “reinventing the sacred”, which I think is what I am attempting here.

Still Small Voices

2008-05-07T14:43:00.004-06:00

I attended a service this Sunday at First Plymouth UCC in Denver.

First, a big thanks to the church staff for all their support. It is a wonderful environment there.

The service was geared towards the high school kids in the congregation to acknowledge the graduating seniors. As such it was a bit louder and rowdier then a typical Sunday service. Particularly loud was the group of about 1 dozen drummers playing for parts of the service. If I had been 17, I would have loved it. Being somewhat more sober then I was at 17, I thought that there was simply no way to hear the small still voice within, no matter what label we apply to it – Buddha Nature or God. The fact that they passed out ear plugs was my first clue.

Tonight, I am going to my first class in Zazen – sitting Zen meditation - at the Houston Chung Tai Zen Center. I have been reading and listening to podcasts on this subject and attempting to practice on a daily basis. The contrast between the two spiritual events could not be greater. The drum music – and the mosh pit that formed at the end of the service – struck me as an exercise in loosing oneself in a group identity. Tonight will be the start of a series of exercises designed to strip away labels and identities to see what is really there.

I was reminded of these verses from the Bible (as always, to be read as metaphor when I quote them)…

The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord,
for the Lord is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.
And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
1 Kings 19:11 through 13

This is a very Zen question posed to Elijah, one that I would have trouble answering now. I can not find that still small spot – by whatever label you might choose to call it – in the noise of a praise service or by loosing myself in the group before the stage. Instead, I must see what is really there, and use that as the seeds of compassion.

The Road To Hell in Paved With Laughter

2008-05-07T08:56:00.001-06:00

The Dali Lama, Pissing Against Trees and the Interconnectedness of All Beings

2008-05-01T15:50:00.000-06:00

The Dali Lama teaches compassion by emphasizing how we are all interconnected. After reading some his teaching I sat zazen for a bit. The image that came strong to my mind, that I could not ignore, was of a family hike I took along the Continental Divide.

While on the hike, I felt a call of nature I ducked behind a tree and took a leak, pissing into the drainage of both the Atlantic and the Pacific at the same time. I contemplated that urine to my left rolling down stream to the water supply of Las Vegas, turning the turbines of the Hoover dam, and into the drinking water of Los Angeles and San Diego. The urine to my right would irrigate farmer’s fields from the Front Range through Kansas and Missouri, then rolling downstream passed St. Louis to New Orleans and the oysters and shrimp in the mouth of the Mississippi.

The insight Zen gives is wonderful isn’t it?

As I meditate I become far more aware of how my actions impact people all over the world. The bio-fuel I put in my car causes a rise in food prices that leads to riots in Egypt. The beef and fish I eat produce a great deal of the carbon that warms our world. As I become more mindful of this, I find myself making more and more changes in how I live and consume. I already drive vehicles with high gas mileage (between 32 and 45 MPG).

I have read how switching to a vegetarian diet will lower my carbon footprint far more than driving a hybrid. I cannot go that far, at least yet, but as an act of compassion I will be making sure that I stick to an all vegetarian diet at least once per week and I will try to keep every breakfast (at least) made from vegetable products (mmmmm pancakes). When I do eat beef or fish, it will be as a treat, and very high quality. I will grill a rib eye, not stop in a hamburger stand drive through. I am finding that the sacrifice is minimal when one prepares the food with an eye to quality, or eats cuisine that is strongly influenced by Hindu or Buddhist beliefs (mmmmmmm Nan Bread!). It is a tasty act of compassion.

Today is May Day!

2008-05-01T09:18:00.001-06:00

Take a Socialist to lunch! You have nothing to loose but your change!

Am I a Christian? Q & A Part II

2008-04-30T21:00:00.002-06:00

A few folks have asked some questions or responded to my posts privately. I wanted to address their questions or comments

If both the Buddha Sakyamuni and Jesus are dead, why follow either?

That is fairly easily addressed as I sit here in an airport listening to Beethoven. In addition to Beethoven, there are works by Verdi, Back, Mozart, Miles Davis, John Coltrane and John Lennon, all of whom are dead, departed, gone, passed away, pushing up the daisies. They are no more. They have ceased to exist. They have thrown off this mortal coil. (How far can I stretch this so it resembles the dead parrot routine from Monty Python?). The point is that these artists, as well as Shakespeare, Hemmingway, Twain, O’Keefe and hundreds of others still speak to us. They address basic truths common to humanity in any age.

Jesus and the Buddha are just as profound as these artists – indeed more so. When Jesus preaches the Sermon on the Mount, his words are not confined to the Roman period in Galilee. His words come down through the millennia and speak to us today. When the Buddha preaches the Four Noble Truths and the Eight Fold Path, his audience goes well beyond the few aesthetics who first heard his words in 2500 BCE. Simply rejecting the divinity of Jesus does not mean that he had no insight or that he was not enlightened.

Am I a Christan? Q & A Part 1

2008-04-29T14:56:00.000-06:00

I was asked by a friend whether I rejected Christianity, or rejected specific Christians after my post http://tamethemonkeymind.blogspot.com/2008/04/am-i-christian.html.

It was the feeling that Christianity has been hijacked by people who, in my opinion, are less then wise. Their bigoted, homophobic view of the gay community, the rejection of science and all other ways of being other then their own started me thinking. I recognize that there are narrow minded, bigoted zealots in every faith. I recognize that all ways of knowing can be misused. Evolution as an explanation for the origin of species is not diminished because it was misused as Social Darwinism. E=MC^2 is not any less an explanation of the unity of matter and energy simply because it gives us the knowledge to make nuclear weapons.

So the fact that there are small, ignorant or sinful people of any given faith does not, by itself, give one reason to reject all that is good in that faith. It does, however, give one pause.

However, the Bible is diminished as metaphor or allegory –as a religious truth - because it also condones practices that are manifestly sinful. Several Old Testament books contains rules for the buying and selling of slaves (e.g. Exodus 21:1-4, Deuteronomy 15:12-18). Indeed, Leviticus 25:44-46 seems to allow me to buy and sell Canadians, but not, say the French. Saint Paul and Saint Peter both direct slaves to obey their masters, even if they are cruel (1 Peter 2:18, Ephesians 6:5-8).

It is clear that our sense of what is moral, right and just must evolve as our understanding evolves. “Give me that Old Time Religion” can never work as theology. You end up, to quote Joseph Campbell, with:

Give me mighty Aphrodite!
Give me mighty Aphrodite!
She only wore a nighty,
but she’s good enough for me!

We must always think. We must always re-consider established truths. If we accept that God does not suspend the laws of physics, then we know it was impossible for, say, Joshua to stop the rotation of the sun to stop moving – more precisely to stop the rotation of the earth – so he could win a battle.

None of this means that the Bible does not serve as valid metaphor. Most faiths have what those outside those faiths would consider tall tales, used as metaphor for explaining the unexplainable or for making the infinite comprehensible to human minds.

However it is one central teaching of Christianity that I began to question and ultimately rejected – Jesus died and came back to life is an absolute, incontrovertible fact. To apply my own personal experience and the observations of countless others, inanimate matter – as in dead bodies – does not come back to life. So, to be a Christian, I must accept that God suspended the laws of nature. I find this to be impossible.
I also have noted that I increasingly find Christianity too small. A second central teaching of Christianity is that God sent his only son here, to earth, to save humans. If there are other sentient beings in the universe, as there surely are, they are either damned or have no soul. I can not accept this anthropomorphic view. Moreover some, but not all Christians believe that only those who believe in Jesus as Christ or who are born again can be saved. Aside from the logical conclusion that those who lived before Jesus are by definition damned, including Moses, Abraham, Joseph, Amos, Elijah, Joshua, etc…, we are again forced to damn anyone who does not agree with a narrow view of the world. I can not accept this.

So, I am clearly no longer a Christian.

Some Quotes of Note

2008-04-29T09:43:00.003-06:00

"We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special."
- Stephen Hawking quoted in Der Spiegel

The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It should transcend personal God and avoid dogma and theology. Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things natural and spiritual as a meaningful unity. Buddhism answers this description. If there is any religion that could cope with modern scientific needs it would be Buddhism.
- Attributed to Albert Einstein but maybe not

“Science investigates religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge which is power religion gives man wisdom which is control.”
- Dr. Martin Luther King

Some books, some talk, some comfort

2008-04-22T21:14:00.002-06:00

I have been reading An Introduction to Zen Buddhism, by D.T. Suzuki. I grew interested in his work because he was such a profound influence on Thomas Merton, the Roman Catholic priest whose writings led me to study Buddhism. A good portion of his book falls into “what the f***?” territory. For example, Q: what is the Buddha? A: 3 pounds of flax. There are some passages, however, that gives profound yet simple insight, and for that reason the book should be read. Zen does not describe the taste of sugar he says; it just puts a cube in your mouth. You discover the taste.

I also had an interesting discussion today with a colleague from work who is rather strong in his opinions.

“Who was Christ?” he asked.

“A bodhisattva” I replied.

“So when he said he was the son of God?”

“Today we would up his medication.” I said

“So, he was enlightened enough to be at that level but dishonest when he claimed to be the son of God?” he asked.

Good question.

I am not going to attempt to parse through the languages, translations, councils, etc, that put the Bible in its current form. For this writing it is enough to say that we have never had the direct words of Jesus written down as he said them. We have an oral history that was eventually transcribed in a language Jesus probably did not speak when he uttered the words. Jesus would have used Hebrew or Aramaic. The gospels in the current canon were written in Greek. The bottom line is that we can not be sure what Jesus said, we can only be sure that someone else said he said it. We also can not be sure how any nuances may have come across. For example, did he say “a son of God” and someone substituted the definite article? The details of how these words were passed on, and eventually transcribed are lost to history.

Along with this I should add that I find more comfort in the words of the Buddha

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”

Or this story of the Buddha:

One of his students asked Buddha, "Are you the messiah?"
"No", answered Buddha.
"Then are you a healer?"
"No", Buddha replied.
"Then are you a teacher?" the student persisted.
"No, I am not a teacher."
"Then what are you?" asked the student, exasperated.
"I am awake", Buddha replied.

Giving Lessons to the Monkey Mind

2008-04-21T16:26:00.001-06:00

I have signed up to attend Zen meditation classes while in Houston on business at the Houston Chung Tai Zen center.

“Displeasure and joy are only within one single thought. The key is, when faced with the problems of life, can your Mind maintain tranquility, do you have the wisdom to understand and observe accurately.”

-Venerable Grand Master Wei Chueh

On the attraction to Buddhism

2008-04-16T14:29:00.002-06:00

On the attraction to Buddhism

As a history geek, I was not aware of any attempt, ever, to spread Buddhism by force. I am also not aware of any significant attempts to enforce Buddhist “orthodoxy” by force.

Imagine, for example, an “enlightenment crusade”

“Accept the 8 fold path to end the cycle of death and rebirth or die and… be reborn!

Does not make much sense I think.

Imagine a Zen inquisition – saffron robed monks standing over a torture victim stretched on a rack screaming

“WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING?”

“It is NOT NOTHING! Get Dick Cheney and we’ll water-board him!”

Somehow, I do not see that.

Am I a Christian?

2008-04-16T12:26:00.003-06:00

Am I a Christian?
In an attempt to review why I am rejecting Christianity and considering a conversion to Buddhism, the need to get my own thoughts in order and a decent respect for the opinion of others who care for me requires that I set forth the reasoning. It would not be well to start my voyage on the great vehicle with an unskillful act.

For background it might be helpful if one is familiar with these books, as these started my thoughts moving in this direction:

Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers: Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth

Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan: The Varieties of Scientific Experience: A Personal View of the Search for God

Thomas Merton: Zen and the Birds of Appetite

Thomas Merton: New Seeds of Contemplation

His Holiness the Dali Lama: The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living

Thich Nhat Hanh: Anger

Thich Nhat Hanh: Living Buddha, Living Christ

Terry Pratchett: Small Gods

Monty Python: The Insignificance Song

I have also listened to a number of talks by Mr. Campbell.

This journey started with a point made by Joseph Campbell. To paraphrase, he pointed to a basic difference between Christianity and Eastern religions. In the Buddhist and Hindu traditions, we all have divinity within us. In that sense, we are all children of God – it would be our Buddha nature. In Christian traditions, there is one and only one child of God, Jesus of Nazareth.

I did not believe in one and only one child of God, but, as Mr. Campbell pointed out, that only made me a heretic, not a non-believer. I began to think of Jesus as a Bodhisattva and therefore human.

I also gave thought to the Trinity. I have never accepted the idea of a triune God. I thought of the Trinity as a construct, similar to the constructs I used on a regular basis in the study of subjects like quantum mechanics or advanced mathematics. It was a model to allow finite humans to understand the infinite, in the same way that probability electron clouds were a construct for understanding quantum states of electrons.

A series of experiences then intruded to cement my rejection of Christianity.

First, I worked at Compassion International. They are a wonderful group of people doing great work to alleviate child poverty. They are sincere. They practice what they preach for the most part. I now support and will continue to support a child through their programs. However, I heard a number of people who called themselves Christian were simply very small in their thinking. They are biblical literalists, who thought the earth 6,000 years old. They had no concept of the infinite (or close to) nature of the universe, space and time. They rejected all scientific understanding of the world where it conflicted with a literal reading of the Bible. They routinely invoked God’s will or divine intervention in the most random of acts. They believed that only those who think as they do would be saved. In short, they worshipped a small god bound to the earth, not the creator of the universe in all its grandeur. Instead, they truly believed that all truth concerning biology, physics, geology and chemistry were revealed to bronze age sheppards in the near east. I was truly turned off by the displays of staggering ignorance I heard there.

Second, I read Carl Sagan’s book. He put forth a simple question. To paraphrase, it was “In your experience, does God suspend the laws of nature to perform miracles, or do people lie or misinterpret experiences?” In truth, my experience is the later.

Third, I rejected the dual nature inherent in the Abrahamic faiths. I did not accept the duality of person and spirit, God and nature, form and substance, etc. I know that the denomination I belonged to, the United Church of Christ, did not accept some of the more extreme forms (e.g. transubstantiation) but the duality underlies much of these beliefs.

This Easter, with all my doubts and my increasing lack of faith to hear our minister (a man whom I hold in very high esteem and respect) proclaim “The Lord is risen!” To which we were t respond “The Lord is risen indeed! Alleluia!” I should add he had us doing this in Greek, but I will not attempt to spell that now.

I could not utter the words. I did not believe them to be true. When Jesus died, that was it; he was dead. With the rejection of this central tenet, I realized I was no longer a Christian.